Korea vs. Japan: Rematch

If you're unfamiliar with the history between Japan and Korea (and let's be real, you probably are), these two counties have been at it for centuries. Oh you know, wars, occupations, the usual hullabaloo. (Ok now, pretend I'm saying this in a really low and loud voice.) BUT SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! Wait, no, today's Thursday. THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY! THE REMATCH OF THE CENTURY! KOREA VS JAPAN: ROUND 1 - FIGHT! *DING DING* (Sidenote: the pics in this blog post are just gonna be of the things that everyone and their monkey's uncle goes to see. The next one will be less touristy personal faves.)

ROUND 1: Cost of Living - Ok, let's just get this one out of the way. Japan's really fucking pricey. And not just like, "omg this country's so expensive." More like, "OH. MY. GOD. This country is SOOOOO expensive!" I wish we were having this conversation in real life so you could see the body language that goes along with that sentence. There's a lot of eyes-bugging-out-of-my-head and arms-wildly-flailing-about. I thought I was going to have to start selling organs to afford food. The attractions are like 6 bucks a pop and there are a freaking lot of them. After a while you have to choose between seeing another rock garden and bus fare. Not to brag *ahem* but since I'm the Angela Merkel of travel, I managed to keep the costs to around 1000USD for flight, hotels and everything else. Korea - 1 [Pictured - Osaka Castle]

ROUND 2: Food - So, I didn't do all the eating I would have liked (see above). Aside from sushi, I was not super impressed with Japanese cuisine from what I saw. Basically, I'm not a huge fan of noodles and I didn't see much else. Whereas in Korea, you can find a ton of variety AND it's affordable: galbi, chicken galbi, kimbop, mandoo, etc. It's all derish. And you're spending like $5/person. I did buy one Japanese snack though. They were described as "Japanese cookies." Apparently "cookie" means something completely different to the Japanese. They actually were salty/bitter/spicy puffed rice cakes. I assume the salty flavoring came from the tears of children who were forced to eat them. Korea - 2 [Pictured - Big Buddha at Todai-ji]

ROUND 3: Bathrooms - For those of you who haven't traveled abroad, let me inform you that toilet culture varies from country to country. It's pretty unnerving the first time someone directs you towards a restroom and you're facing down a bucket of water situated next to a hole in the ground. ("Okay wait, which one do I poop in...?") Or the first time you encounter a bidet ("No, seriously, which one do I poop in?"). Or a squat toilet and a trashcan filled with used tissue ("Fuck it, I'm just going to poop in the corner.") Japanese restrooms seem to be pretty Westernized. Almost all had Western style toilets, fully stocked toilet paper AND soap! It was a dream come true. Japan - 1 [Pictured - 1000 Red Gates]

ROUND 4: Beer - No offense to the droves of rabid Cafri die-hards, but this isn't a real question. Japan - 2 [Pictured - Bamboo Forest]

ROUND 5: Sightseeing - There are a lot of really beautiful things to see in Korea. However, the temples/pagodas/palaces/whathaveyou in Japan are truly impressive. They're massive. They're intricate. They're really fucking old. I could go on and on about all of the statues and paintings I saw. But I wouldn't have to if I could have taken pictures of them. Kyoto has a major no photography policy for most of the really cool stuff. And everything closes at around 5pm, so they stop letting people in around 4-4:30, which, unless you're 97 years old, is far and away too early to call it a day. Also, let's not forget that each of these places cost 5-10 good ol' American dollars to get into, whereas in Korea it's like $1-$3. Korea - 3 [Pictured - Golden Pavilion]

ROUND 6: People - In general, the people I've met in Korea have been really awesome. Super friendly and funny. The Japanese people I met were all very kind and helpful. I think the thing that really pushes it over the edge for me is that the elderly people in Japan didn't seem nearly as judgmental and disrespectful as the elderly in Korea. Also, Japanese people aren't afraid of the sun or the rain. The only time they broke out umbrellas was when it was actually raining. Not to hide from the sun, not preemptively when it was threatening rain, but really only when it rained. And Japanese people have normal-sized dogs that are normal-dog colors. Whereas in Korea, it's not uncommon for a girl to carry around a hot pink teacup pup. Japan - 3 [Pictured: Pagoda at Kiyomizu-dera]

Well, it seems as if we have a tie. And since this is my blog, I'm going to give it to... drum roll... Korea! I never thought I'd actually find a country I want to live in less than I do Korea, but congrats, Japan. My decision is mostly based on the astronomical costs of literally everything. I'll probably write again soon and include some of the weirder shit like the hair rope. HAIR ROPE! [Pictured - Kyoto Tower]

Diamonds in the Rough

As it turns out, there are really beautiful things to see in Korea if you look hard enough. Over the last couple weekends we've seen Gyeongbokgung Palace in Seoul and took the (super freaking expensive) high speed train down to the city of Gyeongju. This entry is pretty much just going to be pics since I have so many to share! Wee!

So, getting to Gyeongbokgung Palace is pretty much a cinch. You just take the purple line to Gwanghamun Station and BAM, it's right there. This is a photo of the main throne room. You can see the National Folk Museum in the back right.

If you go to the Folk Museum at 2 on a Saturday or 3 on a Sunday, there's a show that involves the traditional farmer's dance and a puppet show. Ahh, the puppet show. This puppet show is about these spirits trying to slay a serpent that's terrorizing some old dudes? This would be my best guess. And obviously each spirit puppet has a huge red phallus protruding from it's little red puppet self. Upon slaying the serpent, one of the puppets takes a celebratory piss all over the musicians. As conservative as Koreans are about the female body (don't even think about wearing something that shows your shoulders or any part of your chest, you tank-topped slut!), there certainly are a whole lotta penises everywhere. Eg. Loveland on Jeju Island and an assortment of penis inspired art all over the country.

Beautiful Gyeongju! The main tourist path in Gyeongju includes this park, which consists of Wolseong Fortress, Gyerim forest and features the Cheomseongdae Observatory.

Observatory at night

Bulguksa Temple is renowned to be the prettiest in the country. And it's as beautiful as it is crowded. If you stick to the main sights in Gyeongju, expect to be surrounded by other tourists at all times.

Bridge at Bulguksa

Another major site is Seokguram Grotto where you can see this stone Buddha statue. The rules say no cameras, so all the Koreans just whip out their camera phones. Sneaky, sneaky.

Anapji Pond is right across from the National Museum. We've been to so many Korean history museums lately we didn't make it to this one honestly.

I highly recommend getting away from the highly touristed stuff though. My favorite part of the trip was seeing this rock carving. It's at the top of a mountain. We accidentally took the, uh, more challenging route to get to the top. So that sucked, but this was awesome. Oh also, the best way to get around Gyeongju is by bike. Everything's just a little too far to walk and the city is super bike friendly.

Also, the city and surrounding areas are covered in these old burial mounds which are pretty neat looking. As far as food goes, Gyeongju is famous for a special sort of bread filled with red bean paste. And there are Ssambap (lettuce/rice) restaurants everywhere. Three days would be the perfect amount to spend in Gyeongju. There are some things I REALLY wanted to see, but were too far from the city. Seriously, if you live/ever come to Korea, this is a must-do.

Baby's First Spring

Not sure what's gotten into me, but I actually have nice things to say about Korea. It's probably the weather. Something about temperatures above freezing and flowers in bloom would put anyone in more chipper, less kill-all-children mood. This is my first proper spring ever! Growing up in Southern California, it wasn't unusual to hit the beach over winter holiday or wear shorts year round. I distinctly remember learning about these things people called "seasons" as a child and not quite comprehending what my teacher was talking about. Los Angeles - land of perpetual sunshine, fresh produce and traffic as far as the eye can see. Then we moved to Texas somewhere in there. Some people don't believe me when I talk about how hot it gets in Houston right around August. Over the last few years they've seen some snow down there which is probably an indicator that the apocalypse is right around the corner. So get ready for that. I remember my first winter out of Southern Cal. It got down to around 40F and I thought I was going to freeze to death.

But spring in Korea man. Two words: Cherry. Blossoms. I mean, there are pink fucking trees everywhere. Give me a cotton candy tiara and a purple unicorn named Moonbeam and we've pretty much made my childhood fantasies come true. Except maybe the one where the carpet turns into lava. Though in the interest of full disclosure and to just be a sour bitch (as per the usual) this was actually the only cherry tree blossoming at the Cherry Blossom Festival. Nice timing on this one, Korea.

The Yeouido cityscape isn't a bad one. Just pretend there are a bunch of flowers on those trees to get what they were going for.

The weather has definitely allowed for more sightseeing around Seoul (read: I spent so much fucking time in temples I might as well become a monk - because really all it takes is a few strolls around a few temples, duh. No drinking, no talking, no sexing, can't be too hard, right?)

This one's neat though because of the random western style architecture. So take a left at city hall and surprise! You're in Washington DC. And while you're there, do your best to achieve a 9% approval rating just like everyone else in that town. Anyway, I wanted to write about some other stuff too, but blogging is really, really boring. I cannot begin to understand how/why people do this more often than at a level accurately described as "almost never." Toods, bros.

I left my soul in Seoul.

When you're a recent graduate with a liberal arts degree and very little desire to be a productive member of society, your life options are pretty limited. You could get some shitty job that has absolutely nothing to do with the irrelevant crap you spent the last 4+ years pretending to study. I'm pretty sure Starbucks actually requires a Philosophy degree these days. After all, no one logs more man hours in coffee shops than lib arts undergrads. You could go to grad school. And since no one gives a single shit about your BA they'll certainly give less shits about the $20,000 Master's degree that's probably in something completely obscure. (Can you give less than zero shits? This sounds like a math problem, or "those things I can't do," as we call them in the University of Texas English Department.) You could join the military. It would be like having a shitty job where they make you do push ups, you can't smoke weed and all of your coworkers are 19.

I never wanted to be a teacher. I specifically wanted to be not-a-teacher. But life doesn't always go as planned. Not that my job is a "real" teaching job by any stretch of the imagination. We're glorified baby sitters, funny looking clowns that dance around speaking in a strange tongue for children's amusement. "Do a jig for us, Big-eyed-woman! I know not what you say! Kekekekeke!"

So, as this is my second contract. I vowed to actually do all the touristy stuff in Seoul I was too drunk for last year. This is the view from the top of the 63 Building. It's one of the most famous landmarks in the city even though it's not the tallest building in the city. Go figure. There's a cute little art museum on top though.

Here's one from the other side. As you can see, it's not a particularly beautiful city. Much of the old architecture was destroyed in the Korean war, so the cityscape is dotted with these giant soulless rectangles. But the mountains that surround Seoul are a very pretty backdrop.

Also, like any other city in Asia, there's random Buddhist crap everywhere. However, I would definitely say the Chinese temples I've seen (in Taipei and Hong Kong) are much more aesthetically pleasing. Basically, I have nothing particularly good to say about this country.

And here's the reason I'm livin' large. I can't believe someone actually puts me in charge of children. I can't even take care of a cell phone. Gotta admit, the kids here are pretty cute.

Taipei 2

Pro tip: don't eat on the metro. Or drink. Or smoke. Or spit. Or tap dance. These people are REALLY into giving tickets for, like, anything. So, unless you'd be into signing a Mandrin-only slip of paper while juggling takeout sushi and international mortification, don't eat on the metro.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO WRITE ABOUT THE PALACE FUCKING MUSEUM. This monster is four floors and a few millenia worth of Chinese history. Neat stuff, but, seriously, wear comfortable shoes. The main attraction: a jade cabbage. Let that one sink in for a sec. Racially insensitive tidbit of the trip: Asian people absolutely lose their shit over anything made out of jade.

And it wouldn't be Asia if there weren't markets.
Markets! Markets everywhere!

Also, getting back to the airport is pretty easy too. There's a bus. So we took this bus, then we waited in line to get to the check in counter, nothing out of the ordinary, made small talk with some expats. We got to the front, I opened my wallet to get out my passport. "Oh, what's this?" I thought to myself, "Where did that silly little passport place itself at such an inconvenient time? It really needs to learn proper manners, I dare say!" Hah! No, no, it was really more like, "Holy dicksacks! What the fuck do I do now?!?! I know! Let me throw the contents of my suitcase all over the airport! Perfect, wasn't there! I'll just call the hotel! Don't have it, you say? Fantastic, thanks! Shit shit shit! SHIT!" Then miraculously, between thoughts of finding a new flight and hoping the embassy would still be open so late, a tiny little memory popped up through my brain folds and was like, "Hey stupid, you may or may not have put it in your camera bag. Find out." Success! It was like those scenes in movies where a beam light comes down from the heavens and a choir of angels start singing a hymn. Note to self: be more careful with that shit.

Regrets and Taiwan

My biggest regret in life is not having taken more pictures. Sure, there are other things I wish I had done differently, dating, for example, or my finances, or that one time I got completely wasted and accidentally destroyed a hotel room - the usual regrets any 20something faces in this day and age. But there are no pictures! Four years of university. Poof! Gone. Traveling around Europe. Whoosh! In the past. Birthdays, weddings, Christmases. Biff! Bam! Pow! Holy memories, Batman!

Maybe it was the desire to rectify my photo-less existence that lead me to purchase a DSLR camera. Somehow, in a flurry of misguided zeal and an allergic reaction to having money in the bank, I decided that spending hundreds of dollars on something I knew nothing about would be the ideal situation to find myself in. And since I made such an industrious investment, friends, I have started a blog for you all to be dazzled by my sharp wit and artistic abilities. So, here we are.

Ahh, Chinese New Year in the Republic of China. The good China. The non-Commie, don't-owe-trillions-of-dollars-in-US-debt China.

We landed in Taipei around noon on Saturday. And spent the rest of the afternoon checking out some temples and probably (definitely) offending temple-goers with our ignorant Western behavior. Certainly got yelled at by these nuns for taking their picture.

PS. Mad props to military dictators for forcing the construction of super impressive memorial halls.

So, in Taipei, the three things that you mustmustMUST do are:

Watch the changing of the guard at the Chang Kai-shek Memorial Hall.

The zoo. Which sounds totes lame BUT PANDAS!!

Also, the cable cars from the zoo are pretty rad.

Aaaand Taipei 101. Duh.


Other things: The metro was super easy to use and you can buy a multi day pass. The food and attractions were pretty cheap. Total spend including flight and hotel: around 1000 USD. The city seemed relatively safe. It rained, but you can't control the weather. I'd definitely recommend going if you like sightseeing and cultural experiences, but not if you're into laying on the beach or adventure holidays. It's pretty well situated on the beaten path, but interesting nonetheless. I might update this blog thing sometime with recaps of other countries or trips around Korea. Soon, my pretties, soon.